It's not that I'm having regret about my decision, exactly, it's more that I don't really know what to do with myself and can feel the depression and inertia gnawing at the cracks of my being. So I slept in until 9, picked a passive-aggressive fight with J about how he has The Disgusting Sniffles And Is Not Taking Care Of Them And Now I Am Getting Sick And It's His Fault because I am really just that kind of winner (read: terrible) person and spouse. It's true though, that after only 2 contact days with the kiddoes I've got a hoarse throat and sinus issues and I am not pleased. Time to break out the Neti Pot and the Airborne. And to stop picking on J for not liking to take medicine for his allergies, I begrudgingly concede, but in all honesty, is there any sound less sonorous and soothing than the ssnnnoourrrrrwwaaakkk!!!!! snorking of snot from the sinuses to the glottal chamber of the upper esophagus? ew.
Also, the milk I poured into my coffee this morning curdled, and the heel end of the loaf of home-made bread is nasty and stale.
The energy that filled me as I made this decision was fire; scary and freeing, like skydiving (which I know I still have to write about), like getting on the night train to travel solo to Prague when you are 20 and don't know a single word of Czech. That energy is sapped now. I seem to have used up my quota of brave. Can I borrow some of yours?
Or will you at least come and sit with me and hold my hand while I figure out who I am behind the looking glass?
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I took the night train to Prague when I was 20 without knowing any Czech either too! :D
ReplyDeleteIt was awesome, probably one of the best things I did on my semester in Germany. (Although there were four of us that went, not just me alone.)
I'll gladly sit with you and hold your hand while you figure out who you are behind the looking glass.
ReplyDeleteRegina, your bit of bravery and confidence is inspiring some in me. I'm starting to think thoughts of leaving and wandering and choosing alternate paths myself.